A Sex Coach Answers Your 10 Toughest Questions for Sexual Health Awareness Month

September is Sexual Health Awareness Month.

Think of it as a thirty-day pop-up classroom where the topic is everything from consent to pleasure to medical facts... without the shame. It started back in 1991, a grassroots push by advocates who saw how little space something so essential got in our public conversations.

And it's more important now than ever.

We're living in a strange paradox. On one hand, sex is everywhere—social media, dating apps, endless content. On the other hand, actual sexual health literacy is terrible. Young people are getting their education from porn. Adults are struggling with basic communication about desire.

It matters because it creates permission. Permission to have conversations that happen nowhere else. To normalize asking questions, seeking help, and talking about pleasure as a vital part of your health.

So, in that spirit, let's talk. Here are the questions you're asking, answered with clarity and curiosity.

What does it actually mean to be 'sexually healthy'? (Is it just about avoiding STIs?)

No, it's much bigger than just playing defense against infections. STIs are just the tip of the iceberg.

The World Health Organization puts it simply: sexual health is "a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality... not merely the absence of disease or dysfunction."

So, what does that actually cover?

• Feeling good in your body and knowing how it works.
• Being able to talk about your wants, your limits, and your safer-sex choices.
• Freedom from coercion and violence.
• Access to information, contraception, and care without shame.
• Pleasure itself... yes, the WHO officially counts pleasure as part of health.

Think of it as the difference between saying "I'm not sick" and feeling, deep down, "I feel alive."

That shift is huge, right? We grew up with health framed as preventing disease. But with sex, it's not just about what you don't have... it's also about what you do have: confidence, connection, pleasure, and choice. It moves the conversation from fear into possibility. From "don't get pregnant, don't get an STI" to "how do I build a sex life that feels safe, satisfying, and mine?"

How do I bring up STI testing with a new partner without making it awkward?

This is practical, a little vulnerable, and something countless people struggle with. The key is to frame it as something you both want, not something you're asking of them. The trick is the tone: casual, forward-looking, and not accusatory.

Try this:

"I feel most relaxed and turned on when I know we're both taking care of our health. Want to swap recent STI screens together? I can show mine first."

A few other ways people phrase it to keep the vibe collaborative, not suspicious:

• "I like us both being clear on our status, makes me more excited to dive in."
• "Before we stop using barriers, I want us to share STI results so we can both fully relax."
• "Testing is just part of how I care for myself and my partners... want to do it together?"

Each of these sets a tone of teamwork.

My partner and I have different sex drives. How do we navigate this?

Ah, the classic mismatch. First, know this is normal. Most couples hit this at some point, especially long-term ones. The goal isn't to perfectly match libidos... it's to find a rhythm that honors both of you.

For the higher-desire partner: Stop taking it personally. Their "no" isn't a reflection of you or your worth. Practice asking without pouting when they decline.

For the lower-desire partner: A "no" to sex doesn't have to mean a "no" to all intimacy. Maybe it's cuddling, a massage, or just saying, "I love you, and tonight my body just needs rest."

For both of you: Talk about your sexual accelerators and brakes. What turns you on? What kills the mood? Stress, exhaustion, feeling emotionally disconnected... these are libido killers for so many people.

Try reframing the goal from "we need to have more sex" to "how do we stay connected and intimate in ways that work for both of us?" Sometimes the solution isn't more frequency... it's better quality when it happens.

How are stress and mental health connected to my libido?

They hit it hard. Your body simply can't stay in "fight or flight" mode and "turn-on" mode at the same time. If your mind is overloaded with stress, anxiety, or depression, desire is often the first thing to shut down. It's a physiological reality, not a personal failing.

Beyond 'no means no,' what does enthusiastic consent actually look and sound like?

This is such a great question. Enthusiastic consent is active, not passive. It's about looking for the presence of a "Yes, I want this," not just the absence of a "no."

And just as important... consent is dynamic. Enthusiasm can fade, and it can be withdrawn at any point. A partner who is truly tuned in will notice those shifts, check in, and adjust without getting defensive.

I feel like I should know this by now, but what are the different kinds of orgasms?

The secret is: orgasms aren't just types, they're experiences. People love to label them, but our bodies don't read the textbooks.

Broadly, though, people often talk about:

• Clitoral orgasms: From stimulation of the external clitoris. This is the most common route for people with vulvas.
• Vaginal or G-spot orgasms: From internal stimulation, often blending with clitoral nerve endings too.
• Blended orgasms: Combining clitoral and vaginal, or even anal, stimulation all at once.
• Anal or prostate orgasms: From stimulation of the anus or prostate, often described as deep and full-body.
• Full-body or breath orgasms: Less about genitals and more about pelvic floor engagement, breathwork, and energy release.

But here's the thing: many of these "kinds" overlap. The nervous system is a brilliant, interconnected web. What matters most is discovering your own unique map, not trying to fit your experience into a specific box.

What are some simple ways to start talking more openly about sex with my long-term partner?

Start with low-stakes, high-curiosity moments when you're already feeling close. Maybe while you're lying in bed after a show, walking the dog, or during a drive. The car is actually magic for this: no direct eye contact makes it feel safer.

1. Use "I" statements about feelings, not performance. Try: "I noticed I get nervous asking for what feels amazing, and I want to change that."
2. Swap one-sentence fantasies. Each of you finishes this sentence: "One thing I'd love to try someday is…" Then just thank each other for sharing. No debating, no judgment.
3. Try the 1-to-10 check-in. Ask: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how connected did you feel during sex last night?" Then follow up with: "What would bump it one point higher?" Small numbers feel tweakable, not critical.
4. Schedule a 15-minute "pleasure meeting" once a week. Phones off, clothes on. The only purpose is to talk about what felt good and one tiny thing to experiment with next time. If it feels awkward, laugh about it together... that's bonding, too.
5. Normalize corrections in the moment. During touch, a simple "a little softer here" or "stay exactly there" turns real-time feedback into flirtation instead of critique.

How can I do a 'sexual wellness check-in' with myself this month?

Think of it like a monthly relationship status meeting… but with yourself. Here's a simple framework.

• Body Check: How's your physical experience? Any pain, changes in arousal, or things that feel different? Just notice, without judgment.
• Desire Check: On a 1-10 scale, where's your libido this month? What's been turning you on or off? Remember stress, sleep, and exercise all play a role.
• Pleasure Check: What felt amazing recently? What didn't work? This includes solo time, not just partnered sex.
• Emotional Check: How do you feel about your sexuality right now? Confident, curious, frustrated, disconnected? All feelings are valid.
• Relationship Check: If you're partnered, how's the connection? If you're single, how do you feel about that?
• Goal Check: What's one small thing you want to explore or improve next month? Keep it tiny and specific.

Write it down or just think it through during a quiet moment. The point isn't to achieve perfection... it's to stay tuned in to yourself as you change and grow.

Is it normal for sex to feel different after having kids, going through menopause, or just getting older?

Yes. Completely and totally normal.

Our bodies and our sex lives aren't static. After kids, after menopause, as the years pass—your body changes hormonally, emotionally, and physically. That shows up in desire, lubrication, orgasm, and even in how you feel about your body.

But here's the key: different doesn't have to mean worse.

I've worked with people who say that in their 40s, 60s, or beyond, sex becomes richer because they can finally focus less on performance and more on intimacy, play, and variety. There are so many tools available—lubricants, pelvic floor training, hormone therapy if needed, and new communication strategies—to make sex satisfying at every single stage of life.

Where can I find reliable, non-judgmental information about sex online?

You're already in one of the safest spots.

Beyond our conversations here, bookmark a handful of places where the tone is warm, the science is solid, and the advice isn't trying to sell you a miracle cure:

• Scarleteen: Frank, inclusive, and youth-friendly, but adults use it too for its clear-headed advice.
• OMGYes: Evidence-based videos and research on women's pleasure, with a respectful, non-porn vibe.
• Planned Parenthood: The go-to source for clear facts on anatomy, STIs, and contraception.
• AASECT's "Find a Therapist" tool: To locate a certified sex therapist or coach if you ever want a human guide.
• The book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski: Still the most readable and revolutionary book on the science of desire.

A Final Thought for This Month

So, here's the nutshell.

Sexual health is not just about avoiding disease. It's about knowing your body, feeling entitled to your own desire, speaking openly with partners, and treating intimacy as something to cultivate across a lifetime. Stress, aging, hormones, babies, mismatched desire… all of it is normal. What matters is your curiosity, your consent, your communication, and your capacity for play.

For Sexual Health Awareness Month 2025, my wishes for you are simple:

• That you talk about sex without shame.
• That you give yourself permission to want, or not want, without apology.
• That you explore pleasure as something you deserve, at every age and stage.
• And that you remember: sexual health is not separate from your whole health... it is part of being fully alive.

Sexual health is not just about avoiding STIs. It's your desire, your pleasure, your curiosity, and your unshakeable right to choose.