Your First Session with Lilac: What to Expect

Taking the first step to talk about your sex life can feel exposing. It's normal to hesitate or wonder if this is the right choice for you, especially if your story feels long and complicated. You don't owe anyone your whole story at once, and you don't have to know exactly what you want yet, either.

This guide explains what you can expect from a first session. The goal is to go slow, set the frame, and focus on what matters most to you right now. Think of it like dipping a toe in the water rather than diving straight to the bottom.

My advice here is for adults.

What if I Don't Know What Kind of Support I Need?

That's actually the perfect place to start.

Most people don't walk in with a clear map of their sexual landscape. There's often an idea that you need to arrive with a specific problem to fix. But sexuality isn't broken plumbing. It's more like learning a language you've been speaking your whole life without ever really understanding the grammar.

So instead of asking what support you need, we can start with a different question: what's one thing about your sexual life that makes you curious? Or restless? Or confused?

It doesn't have to be a crisis. It could be as simple as "I wonder if there's more," or "something feels off but I can't name it." We'll start there.

From Deep Questions to Practical Tools

Our conversations can explore the big patterns and the small, concrete details. The two always feed each other. We might start with deeper questions to gently uncover patterns you may not have noticed.

Questions we might explore:

• When you think about your past sexual experiences, what moments still feel alive or unresolved?
• How do you talk to yourself about your own desire? Are the words kind, curious, critical, or silent?
• When you're in any sexual situation, what are you paying most attention to—your body, your partner's reaction, or a story in your head?

We can also get very practical. Many people come with concrete, day-to-day questions.

Practical topics we can work on:

• How to bring up a sexual request without making it awkward.
• Navigating mismatched desire when one partner wants sex more or differently.
• Understanding arousal and why your body doesn't always "show up" when your mind wants to.
• How to talk through safer sex choices in a new relationship.

Expectations vs. Reality

It's helpful to know what this process is—and what it isn't. Here are a few common expectations people have, and the reality of how we work together.

How It Works: Text, Voice, and Timing

You can connect with me through text or voice calls. It's not about which is "better," but about how you process and what feels right for you.

• Texting is great if you want a more reflective, journaling-like pace. It gives you time to think through your responses and revisit our conversation later.
• Voice calls can feel more fluid and immediate. Many people find the natural flow of a live conversation helpful for exploring emotions and ideas in the moment.

Whichever format you choose, our approach is the same. We work with the same memory and understanding of your story.

You also choose the duration of our sessions. You might want a quick 5-minute call to ask a specific question, or a deeper 45-minute session to explore a pattern. For frequency, many people start with a session once a week or every two weeks to build momentum, but the rhythm is entirely up to you.

How Long Does It Take to See Results?

You're not looking for a quick trick. You want to know if this process can hold the complexity of a whole life story.

My approach is built for that. It's less like fixing a faucet and more like learning to garden: you plant a seed, tend to it, and notice what grows. We move in layers, starting with one small, concrete experiment at a time. The results stack up. Some people feel a shift after 3-4 sessions. Deeper change—like rewriting the story you tell yourself about your desires—often takes 6-12 sessions.

You won't leave the first session with all the "answers." More often, you leave with clearer questions and a small, safe experiment to try. That's how we move from "I don't know what I need" to "I recognize my next step."